What is a Power Ballad?

To start, if one uses simple deductive reasoning, one will see that there are two operative words in the phrase “Power Ballad.” The first being – Power. The other being – Ballad. Try to keep up.

  1. In order for a song to qualify as a Power Ballad, both the song and the band creating the song must Rock.

    Now, Rocking can be interpreted in many ways – some people prefer the flame from a lighter swaying to and fro. Others prefer a face melting, head-banging onslaught of rage. Simply stated, the band had to have at least some modicum of Rock in them. And the song also had to deliver a window into that soul of Rock. This is why acoustic ballads such as “Dust in the Wind” and “More than Words” are automatically disqualified as Power Ballads. Please do not throw stones - we love Kansas, but “Dust in the Wind” simply does not rock. And Extreme allegedly did Rock, but they became pussified to the nth degree with “More than Words.” Simply put, the band and the song must Rock.

  2. Obviously the song does not Rock through a “rocking” tempo. No, the song is a slow burner, a juggernaut of feelings – deep, heartfelt, mysterious… feelings.

    One might call such a song a “Ballad.” The Power part of the equation comes through via the band’s musical delivery and the ideas conveyed through the lyrics. Take note: “Nothing lasts forever, and we both know hearts can change. ‘Cause it’s hard to hold a candle in the cold November Rain.” Yes, it most definitely is - mighty hard. This upsets Axl and it upsets us. Could the song, “November Rain” have been performed a little faster? Sure, considering the 4 guitar solos. But it was all the more Powerful because it was slow. Tempo may vary but the feelings remain, proving that Rock doesn’t need to be fast to have Power.

  3. The song must also include certain stylistic elements of Rock. Also, it should not make you want to vomit.

    Electric guitars are fairly important. Drums, bass, generally highly pitched vocals, and a keyboard (here and there – we’re looking at you, Journey) are also key. These are the tools of the trade. If a song contains too many synthesizers, or makes you feel like you just drank two-and-a-half month old milk, it is disqualified. Here we humbly enter into the record such musical greats as Phil Collins, Michael Bolton and Richard Marx. Many of us attended school dances where their songs were featured – hell, we made out with chicks to Richard Marx. We’re not proud of it, but it happened. But this is our point – wouldn’t you have preferred to make out to GNR or The Crüe? And if you actually did, then please come to this show wearing the same jean jacket you wore in high school – you’re way cooler than us.

  4. There must be, at some point during the song, an uncontrollable urge to take out your lighter (or borrow one), light it, and hold it aloft for all to see.

    There is no scientific explanation for this behavior, but it does indicate that a Power Ballad is nigh. It has been said that cell phones are the new lighters. We say hogwash. A true Rock Fan knows that lighters indicate Rock and cell phones indicate something not necessarily worth defining - yet. I suppose time will tell. Speaking of time, to clarify, the time period for Power Ballads is primarily the 80’s. But there are arguments to be made for some songs of the late 70’s and maybe the early 90’s. Nirvana need not apply.